And if I seem too quiet now,

fresh to death, ya'll

2008-01-05T08:31:25Z

i created a new livejournal! username: at_onepoint

I'm gonna go ahead and add some of ya'll. if i don't, it's probably because i 1) assume you don't go on to read anything anymore 2) got lazy and abducted by aliens (get it? a..leigh..ann...HAHAHHAHAHAHA wow i'm lame!)

i've had this curi0uslystr0ng for way too long. it's time to start new, to start fresh. oh 2008, what have you got in store for us?

it's been a while.

2007-12-19T10:31:09Z

anak took this quiz so i wanted to take it too! wheee!!

Your view on yourself:

Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.

Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

********************************

This sounds about right. Kind of creepy....I don't know when it happened exactly but I don't really show my true self to many people anymore. Maybe it's because of how people tend to abuse the privileges of friendship. I've become very LESS trusting of everyone around me, and I barely if ever really just speak up unless someone asks me about what I think. For the most part, I come off really happy and giggly but I have become more silent, listening to what other people have to say, and trying to see if I agree and wondering what my true feelings are on particular subjects. My buddies in SB are awesome, but the truth of the matter is no one over there really knew how i was in high school, or even before that! And as for high school buddies, who are awesome as well ;), haha well...no one really knows how much I've changed. SO MANY of my views have changed in college. Views that I once held sacred are now frivolous, and views that I did believe in have also become more strengthened and enforced. I have never been a partier, though I have tried it once in a while, and some times I did have fun. Talk about overrated. I would MUCH rather just sit around my butt with girlfriends talking about our emotions, and my, how I absolutely find delight in reading novels. Truly. Reading is SO MUCH FUN and it just opens up this entire new world that my imagination delves into. I don't know if I told many people about this, but inside my mind are countless stories that I wish I could put into paper but I feel like my vocabulary isn't impressive enough. I remember when I was young, Kristina and I would write love stories in our notebooks then share it with each other LOL hahahha o good times

I don't draw anymore. I don't write anymore. I don't sing anymore. All of those were passions I had when growing up. But I do read a lot more. I reason instead of depend on my emotions much more. I laugh a lot and can't wait to travel the world (I really want to visit the Middle East and see the places where Jesus did His ministry and was born)
High school came with tons of drama, and now that I'm in college, drama isn't even a worry. I'm just chillin' and trying to find out new things about myself and others around me.
As for me and my goals for going into Law school, many of my friends over here and in sb say they CAN and CAN'T see me going through with it. But the truth of the matter is I really don't care. I mean, I don't have a SPECIFIC passion--besides Jesus and chillin' with friends and forming bonds. The Jesus part is kind of complicated too, because ever since I left Catholicism behind I don't really have a (Christian) church yet. And it's really scary for me, to venture out there by myself. Most people have the convenience of having a church where their family goes to regularly. I would really like to just be known as me, by myself, instead of as someone's extension. So how can I become more involved with a church when I don't have one?

Also, I am VERY into financial stability. Growing up was hellish to say the least, and I remember how it all was. The divorce sucked, and I would never let my children go through that crap ever--financially and emotionally. But I really don't have a passion for anything else--i HATE Science and Math, rule out anything having to do with engineering or medicine. And I wouldn't want to be a nurse either, not only because of the Filipino stereotype...I've just met so many people who do the job of taking care of the sick only because of the money. It just doesn't seem right. No wonder there are so many cases against malpractice-people ALWAYS do a better job when they are passionate about what they are doing. For people who really care about being nurses, more power to all of them! It makes me rest easier at night knowing there are people who put their heart into their work. As for English, it's cool but it's not something that makes my heart beat faster. Maybe it was the 8th grade english football that did it for me-no more grammatically incorrect sentences will be headed my way...well, actually I'm wrong. Law has a lot to do with word precision. But at least i'm not hating it haha Law just seems practical, and respectable, and professional. It doesn't seem like something I would hate either. And I'm planning on specializing with the Elderly. There are so many instances where they are taken advantage of by different businesses and just people in general, AND THAT MAKES MY BLOOD BOIL! Old people are so vulnerable! Why would anyone ever take advantage of them?? ERRRRRRRRRRRGH....Well, I can honestly say that the elderly have always held a special part in my heart. Maybe it has to do with the visits my dad would make to the retirement homes and the old ladies who would shower all their love on me by giving me chocolates hehehe...but it mostly has to do with my grandparents. People nowadays tend to overlook the need of those who looked after us for so long.

I need to sleep. And I also need to find something red, green, or cream to wear for the Christmas pics the gals are takin' tomorrow. Unfortunately, I don't have anything in any of those colors. I might end up wearing something really ugly/tacky/vomit-enducing...uh oh. This looks like it could get messy.

so i guess, all i can really say is

2007-09-18T06:24:21Z

he inspires me and makes me want to be a better person...

curi0uslystr0ng @ 2007-05-22T15:46:00

2007-05-22T22:46:46Z

there are moments in our lives when we find ourselves at a crossroads. afraid, confused, without a road map. the choices we make in those moments define the rest of our days. of course when faced with the unknown, most of us prefer to turn around and go back. but once in a while, people push on to something better. something found just beyond the pain of going it alone. and just beyond the bravery and courage it takes to let someone in. when it gives someone a second chance. something beyond the quiet persistence of a dream. because it's only when you're tested that you truly discover who you are. and it's only when you're tested that you discover who you can be. the person you want to be does exist, somewhere on the other side of hard work, and faith, and belief. Beyond the heartache and fear of what lies ahead.- One Tree Hill

mushy

2007-05-22T22:45:53Z

something i just happened to read from someone else's blog...

two years ago i had a hard time looking at you cuz when you looked at me, i only imagined that your picturing some girl who just cant let go, you were that boy that walked into the room and at the first glance i took, i knew that somehow you would change my life and i didnt know how, and i didnt know why, but all i knew was that something was bound to happen. then ...something did. and i knew and he knew at that very moment that things would never be the same cuz we both brought out a side of each other that no one has ever seen before and here i am...2 years later and still remembering the day when the first guy that i fell in love with, changed me.

waiting for what?

2007-05-16T06:31:07Z

Two months is too little.
They let him go.
They had no sudden healing.
To think that providence would
Take a child from his mother while she prays
Is appalling.

Who told us we'd be rescued?
What has changed and why should we be saved from nightmares?
We're asking why this happens
To us who have died to live?
It's unfair.

This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we'd be held.

This hand is bitterness.
We want to taste it, let the hatred know our sorrow.
The wise hands opens slowly to lilies of the valley and tomorrow.

This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we'd be held.

If hope is born of suffering.
If this is only the beginning.
Can we not wait for one hour watching for our Savior?

This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we'd be held.

HAHAHAHA

2007-04-26T09:49:25Z

The best of Jack Handey's Deep Thoughts:

5. Love can sweep you off your feet and carry you along in a way you've never known before. But the ride always ends, and you end up feeling lonely and bitter. Wait. It's not love I'm describing. I'm thinking of a monorail.

4. If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did."

3. Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself: "Mankind". Basically, it's made up of two separate words - "mank" and "ind". What do these words mean? It's a mystery, and that's why so is mankind.

2. Anytime I see something screech across a room and latch onto someones neck, and the guy screams and tries to get it off, I have to laugh, because what is that thing?!

1. Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself down. I'll go over to the persons house and ring the doorbell. When the person comes to the door, I'm gone, but you know what I've left on the porch? A jack-o-lantern with a knife stuck in the side of it's head with a note that says "You." After that I usually feel a lot better, and no harm done.

He said to me

2007-04-20T10:52:25Z

living is being content with who you are and where you're at

courage.

2007-04-19T07:59:38Z

At the Holocaust Memorial Museum Wednesday, President Bush paid tribute to Professor Liviu Librescu, a Holocaust survivor who taught at Virginia Tech for 20 years.

Librescu saved the lives of several students by using his body to block a classroom door while students fled to safety. He died Monday, which coincided with Holocaust Remembrance Day.

"On the day of remembrance, this Holocaust survivor gave his own life so that others may live. And this morning, we honor his memory and we take strength from his example," Bush said at the Holocaust memorial.

I cannot believe that there are people out there, who are my age, who are so young, who go out and shoot innocent victims in high schools and in colleges. and not feel any freaking remorse....I feel so bad for the families and friends of the victims who passed away. If I had a loved one in that school, I don't know how I'd react...

That professor has an amazing legacy. I read that article and am just grateful people like that exist. Hopefully I'll have the courage to do something that selfless if the occasion ever comes about. But it's hard to remember the goodness when such evil exists in this world.

This is SO SCARY. What if it happens at SB? or Irvine? or Fullerton? I don't know. How can anyone feel safe anymore? What will happen when I have children and send them off to school??

friendship.

2007-02-25T02:13:39Z

"find the friends that you know you can count on.. the ones who dont judge you.. the ones you can fall asleep with at the end of the night.. the ones that know you inside and outside.. the ones that would drive to you in a heart beat when times get rough .. and the ones that know when to back off when your just not in the mood..

you make me smile, please stay a while now

2007-02-21T00:34:19Z

this has been one of the greatest weekends in a long time, or better yet, one of the more memorable ones.

i celebrated Valentine's day with my Brando; he's one of the greatest people i know...I have no idea how we lasted so long and i'm glad we didn't go through the whole turkey drop stage or anything. people say that the first few months of college are the hardest for couples who go to different colleges, but we flew by that one. we're still going strong, and we haven't gone on any breaks. i'm so happy with how this is turning out. long distance relationships are a bust though, really they are. but this freshman year is flying by SO fast. i already started registering for classes for the spring quarter. i still remember one of the first times i met him, during the last year of high school, and how our whole friendship started. my goodness. I can't believe how much has happened since Senior year (0 what??? 06!!) hehe. It's a shame to think that we went to the same high school for 3 years and never really knew each other til' the Senior year. I guess that's how God's plan rolls. Valentine's Day was amazing though; i'm so thankful i have a boyfriend who takes time to plan special times for me. Woo! The food was great ::drools:::: and i LOVED the homemade chocolate strawberries (which i accidentally ran over, there were like 3 left...I AM SO SORRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) Climbing mountains are hella scary though ;) i'm so grateful that no mountain lions attacked us haha <3 Dang, and in three months we'll officially hit the ONE YEAR mark! Woohoo! We must be legit! ;) I can't wait to celebrate our anniversary!

the day after that, i got to see my charrah charrah, my daughter, 'cause i'm her "mama".... I still remember the first time I met her too. It was through P.E. Somewhere in the beginning, she would cry looking at me because i had her mommy's eyes, and her mom was in korea so i'd shield my eyes and talk to her with my eyes closed or something aww. i finally got to see UC riverside and meet some of her buddies. it was tons of fun and i hope that we grow old together and become KOREAN MOMS..you know, the ones who power-walk together with those horrible visors on their heads, forcing their kids to take piano and tutor lessons hahaha but seriously, she's grown so much. i remember the first time i met her. and she just recently confessed to me that she was confused when she first saw me. "Ok....so i saw you, and you were this dark chick, but i've never seen a dark girl with straight hair...i mean, i lived in Virginia, and i only saw whites and blacks, and two asians. So i thought you were a mix of all three!" HAHHAA so now i am black and white. kinda like michael jackson!

"The most beautiful discovery that true friends can make is that they can grow separately without growing apart."-Unknown

RIBBIT. RIBBIT. a froggy rant.

2007-02-01T06:55:49Z

i've never been more afraid of frogs in my entire life.........

there's this lagoon nearby my friend's dorm, and i can swear i almost stepped on approximately 20+ baby frogs the other night. i know it was 20+ because i COUNTED! you think those little dots are rocks or leaves...NOPE. they're baby frogs, jumping randomly and sometimes just standing still whenever you approach, like cockroaches!!

supposedly, since it's been raining, the frogs have been going at it for the last 3 days. frogs mate for 7 days straight, horny bastards! HOLY CRAP and they are SO loud!!!! it's a GIANT ORGY of frogs AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!! and my friend said he couldn't sleep the other night because of it HAHAHA...poor guy...i understand that animals have to mate. BUT GEEZ

...i had to walk by tthat swampy area by myself in the middle of the night and i was terrified that they'd all jump out and eat me...i never walk by that area anymore, even though it's a shortcut :'(

i've never been more thankful to live far away from campus. i can't stand the croaking of those froggies!! GAH!!!

i'm sorry kermit, but i only like you when ur with miss piggy.........................

too much stress

2007-01-20T06:07:01Z

So...people are and have been running around and getting information about housing next year...checking out houses and apartments..honestly, i haven't done anything. i just assumed that i'd be living in a dorm on campus next year....

I've been invited to live with other people a couple of times but I decided that i"ll be living in a house next year with 7 other buddies .and i'm not kidding, i decided all this in the last 5 hours !!! CRAZY!!!! it's crazy cool too because we're on first priority so once we get our information in, the house is fo' sho ours.

more updates later.
my head really hurts :(

curi0uslystr0ng @ 2007-01-19T02:42:00

2007-01-19T10:42:10Z

i'm finally....

happy here...

who woulda thunk??? :)

16 units this quarter for me.
all my classes start at 1 p.m.
and some run into the night time (skaaayyy-reeee)
but i have no class on tuesdays (woohoo!!!)
AACF is really doing wonders for me.
and i love my new roommate.

PS-I won' t be returning home for another month...a whole month and a half of not being at home???? that's INSANE!!! can't believe i went home so much during fall quarter. kinda ridiculous. but i really needed to go back, back then. I'm so glad i moved dorms. this really does make a big difference in my college life WOO!

GOODBYE 2006!!!! AND GOOD RIDDANCE!!!

2007-01-06T05:02:47Z

hello 2007!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
whoohooo!!!! haha New Years was ghetto!!!!!
it was basically Joan and me dancing around. The minute before the clock struck 12, all of us started screaming in each other's faces and banging pots and rattlin' around change. SOO FUNNY hhaha that's how it goes every year (most of the time)

being home was really nice, but now it is time...to go back to my home away from home! i'm so glad that i didn't go through with the transfer application to UCI....SB ain't so bad! only thing is i wish i could create tight bonds with friends over there, the way i already did with high school friends. bah! oh well, takes time!

so many things happened in 2006. holy crap, lots and lots and lots of things! great things, horrible things.....more bad than good, to be completely honest. and some of it is still being transferred over to this year, and i don't know what to do about it. i wish i could help. all i can do is pray. i wonder what my family's life will be like next year? my brother is becoming bolakbol now. haha. he's becoming like me! i wish i was closer to my mom, but she's so busy and tired. single-mom life with three kids. sometimes i wish i could just lie down next to her and talk. as for my dad, i swear i am on a time limit of 1 minute each time i'm on the phone with him. why the heck is he always in such a hurry? SPEAKING OF PHONES, MY PHONE IS TEMPORARILY SUSPENDED!!! WHAT THE HECK!!! so sad...i can't make any calls but i can still receive calls, which makes no sense haha

i've lost touch with a few friends who i considered myself close to, but they never tried half as hard as i did to keep in touch. and i really tried too! i just stopped trying in return. finally. i'm so relieved i can finally let go. thank God!!!! it used to hurt my feelings so much if my efforts were never equally matched. now i could care less, and focus my energies on friends who care.

i met up with a lot of friends throughout break and strengthened my bonds with them. i LOVE that. how i can not talk to friends for a few days, weeks, months, whatever, and still continue on where we left off. i just wish i saw zerah more. i barely got to see her.

i'm going to be freakin' sad leaving brandon too. having a long distance relationship sucks HAHA i mean, of course it's easier seeing each other every single day, or having the option of. but we have our breaks, and our summers. so that's good :) counting by blessings!

i hope everyone had a great new years! and a merry christmas!

suddenly i see why the hell it means so much to me

2007-01-04T10:02:03Z

i'm SO happy

with you.

there is a solution to this.

2006-12-31T09:57:45Z

Don’t give up
It’s just the weight of the world
When you’re heart’s heavy I’ll - I will lift it for you
Don’t give up
Because you want to be heard
If silence keeps you I’ll – I will break it for you

Everybody wants to be understood
Well I can hear you
Everybody wants to be loved
Don’t give up
Because you are loved

Don’t give up
It’s just the hurt that you hide
When you’re lost inside I – I’ll be there to find you
Don’t give up
Because you want to burn bright
If darkness blinds you I – I will shine to guide you

Everybody wants to be understood
Well I can hear you
Everybody wants to be loved
Don’t give up
Because you are loved

nomo

2006-12-08T09:59:32Z

Fallin out fallin in
Nothings sure in this world no no
Breaking down breaking in
Never knowing what lies ahead
We can really never tell it all no no
Say goodbye say hello
To a lover or friend
Sometimes we could never understand
Why some things begin with just love
We can never have it all
No no no ohh
But oh, can’t you see
That no matter what happens
Life goes on and on
And so baby just smile
Coz I’m always around you
And I’ll make you see
How beautiful life is for you and me
*Take a little time baby
See the butterflies’ colors
Listen to the birds that sent to sing for me and you
Can you feel me
This is such a wonderful place to me
Even if there is pain now
Everything will be alright
For as long as the world still turns
There will be night and day
Can you hear me
There’s a rainbow always after the rain*
Hittin high hittin low
Win or lose you should go
Yeah yeah
Getting warm getting cold
Weather can be so good or bad
But baby this is life so don’t get mad
No no no
Coz ohh
Can’t you see
That no matter what happens
Life goes on and on
And so baby just smile
Coz I’m always around you
And I’ll make you see
How beautiful is life for you and me

Life’s full of challenges
Not all the time we get what we want
But don’t despair my dear
But don’t despair my dear
You’ll take it each trial
And you’ll make it through the storm
Coz you’re strong
My faith in you is clear
So I say once again
This world’s beautiful
Let us celebrate life that is so beautiful
So beautiful

and through it all ...you were there.

2006-11-30T05:48:54Z

i'm truly blessed to have someone like you in my life....

SantaBarbaraLife

2006-11-27T23:18:16Z

So you've heard about how Santa Barbra is freakishly cold during the winter? Well I've got news for ya--winter has begun TODAY! The sun was out and I was biking at 11am freezing my butt off. I was shivering and tembling--I WANTED TO CRY!!!!!!! 11 am!!!!!!! And for the next quarter (which begins in what, 2 weeks?) i have 2 night classes!!! I GO EVERYWHERE ON MY BIKE!!!! O cruel fate, why must you mock me, placing me a mile away from main campus, changing the weather... leading me to my demise, causing me to crumble.... resulting in my doom?!!!!!! GAAAAAAAAH!!!! so cold :'( I need gloves for christmas, and while i'm at it, i also need somebody here to hug me 24/7. There's nothing like body heat! ;)

The people here are pretty funny. Some don't really give a damn about you. Say hi and they stare at you like you're from a different planet. I always wonder how they find me out so quickly but I guess i'm just easy to read. The big battle over here isn't blacks vs. mexicans, or bloods vs. crips, or santa vs. the easter bunny...it's NORTH CAL vs SO-CAL baby! this is how it sounds:

NorthCal-ers: Gosh, why are the So-cal girls so materialistic? They're so snobby and brats UGH.
SoCal kids: NorthCal...screw them. They're just a bunch of fucking weirdos..(continuous laughter and calling of names)

....which, being the Southern Cali girl that I am, leads me to ask, "What the hell is hella?" They use it all the time!
Sometimes the battles are brutal. So-cal kids start to snicker, "They make up words to put them on a spot on the map!"

Today I met a dude from Hacienda Heights. We weren't talking about that battle in particular, but about why Europeans hate us so much. He believes it's because of gallons.

"That's right. WE use gallons. And Kilometers---KILO-WHAT?!? AWWW HELL NAW it's all about miles!"

Ah, my life here is grand. I'd like to hear about stories about college!

I understand you.

2006-11-27T10:03:00Z

The hardest part about you and me
is that i know some day...
I'm gonna break away from you.

The sadness is the only thing that is left of you
I'm gonna break away from you
What will I do when it's gone?

Freedom is a word that brings consequence
sometimes it don't make sense at all
'cause missing you is what i had to do
to keep me in control
if i just let go, i'll be free

So I'll sell my heart
make a brand new start
today
Goodbye Renee
And i'll shed my skin
into the wind
today
Goodbye Renee

Those rainy nights that made it all alright
could bring us back again
Would we still be friends in love?
'cause the sun is shining and he's crying
tellin' me "Move on."
Take one last look and I'll be gone
For good.

You don't see me
You don't see me
You don't see me at all

my life as a baby gaucho

2006-10-09T05:31:01Z

"What am I? I am a gaucho....that's right, an Argentian cowboy for life!"
-The Senior Class President of UCSB at Convocation

So I've offically been attending UCSB for 2 weeks now. And what a crazy 2 weeks it's been! I guess I made the mistake of comparing what college would be like to what it WAS like for me in high school. Make lots of friends here and there, laugh, laugh, and laugh some more. But it's SO not like that.

It's so different making friends. It's not hard to make friends, but it's hard finding friends which enjoy the same things as you and finding time to actually spend with them. Different schedules and different dorm locations can be blamed for this. And the large lecture halls do not help one bit, since every one who comes in is cranky and tries listening to the professor as he presents his class lecture. and WHAT A BORE! i doze out by the last 20 minutes every time...no joke! My dorm is far away from campus and it's the ONLY dorm far away from campus, but it has the most freshmen. It's a hassle going to class because you get tired from riding the bike, and you can't go back to the dorm to rest or nap after a class if you have an hour inbetween. The library has become one of my new best friends since i spend a lot of free time there trying to get homework done, or myspacing haha. It sucks 'cause I don't have my own laptop yet either but campus labs are AWESOME! I've been stationed on an all-girls floor, which I thought was a curse but now consider a blessing. Drunk guys would come up my floor every day for the first week and invite everyone to parties. I don't drink or smoke so I don't usually go to these parties, since a lot of people go to get wasted and I'd prefer to have people remember my name in the morning. A lot of people tell me to go to the parties just to meet people, you don't have to drink, but it really isn't the same. If you're not doing the same things everyone else is doing, it's normal to feel alienated and awkward so why bother? I'd rather spend my time finding people in their rooms or in the lounge and talking with them. And you know how SB is known as a party school? IT'S FOR A REASON. but it's dropped from 4th best party school to 10th, and thank God for that. It'll mean that my degree will mean much more once i graduate!

The first 2 weeks of school was heartbreaking for me, because I missed my friends back home SOOO MUCH it's not even funny. It really, really sucked, that no one at SB seemed to be like any of my friends of the past. Nothing at all was familiar to me, and this was the first time I broke out of my comfort zone. How the heck was i supposed to feel? Liberated? Maybe, just a little. But the homesickness got to me bad. And it really bothered me that no one understood what the heck i was going through, since most of my friends back home went to college locally.

I also did and DO not like the reality of me being an adult. I know I'm not a REAL adult, who pays her own bills, has her own job..yadda yadda, but i'm getting there, and it scares the crap out of me. I don't wanna grow up! I wanna be a Toys R Us kid! Let me go and play in Chuck E. Cheese! I remember the days where I needed an adult to escort me in. Now I can just walk in! WHAT KIND OF FUN IS THAT?!?! WHERE'S MY MOMMY TO HAND ME A $5 BILL TO GET MY TOKENS!!!!!!!!!! It sounds ridiculous, but I am not ready to become an adult. I'm starting to see things in a different perspective. I'm actually thinking about my FUTURE. Before, the biggest worry was "Omg what is PCN going to be like???" or "Who is going to ask me to Homecoming?" and "What color dress should I wear?"

Now, it's "Ok...what to major in?" and "What kinds of professions do these majors offer?" and "Will I graduate college in time?" then "Am I going to get a job right after or attend graduate school?"

....I MISS HIGH SCHOOL DANCES!!!!!

I might be exaggerrating...i know i am haha but....college scares me. Real life scares me. Being on my own (without friends or family nearby) scares me. And I can honestly say that for the last 2 weeks I'd never felt so alone in my life.

BUT....TA DA!!!! I'm actually getting used to college life. Last week I visited home and then went back to my dorm and felt at peace. I watched Grey's anatomy with some girls in the lounge and had a conversation with a friend I'd met on my floor for hours. And when I packed for home two days ago, 2 of the girls on my floor came into my room with me and watched me pack, as we talked about our beliefs in God to our relationships with our fathers to how yummy Twix chocolate is.

needless to say....IT WAS AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!

There's a great feeling of accomplishment at the end of the day. And I don't know if it's good or bad or whatever, but living far away from home is going to help me. I don't know HOW it will help me but I know that this opportunity is a blessing. And I pray and hope and wish that this experience keeps getting better. Hard times are also ahead, but they are always going to be there. OPTIMISM!!!! Thank God for hope.

"you're going to be BETTER than okay!"

2006-09-28T21:55:09Z

i miss everyone back home....
it's so different here.
but all the phone calls have made me really happy hehe :D

can't wait to hug everyone once i get back!!!!!!!!!!!

i don't know what i'd do without you.

2006-09-12T14:53:31Z

So many of my wonderful friends spent time out of their days to celebrate my birthday with me by throwing me a surprise birthday party!!!!! Oh my gosh i did NOT expect that at all. Brandon just said he'd be taking me out to a special dinner for the both of us. He told me that reservations were made for 4pm but once i got to his place he wasn't even ready and we were really late!!! hahaha so once we got close to the secret restaurant, he made me close my eyes and shut my ears. I looked mondo-retarded because i had my face down, covered my ears and started talking to myself. Back during junior year in psycho class, Kristine experienced first-hand my inability to walk with my eyes closed, even with a person guiding me. Once I finally sat down, even though i didn't really sit down correctly, i opened my eyes. It was soooo strange because there were small tables all around me, with 2-3 seats and there was about 1-2 people at each table with their menus up and covering their faces. I was like...what the heck is this...and then tony snuck his head out from the side of his menu and started waving frantically to me. Then i saw Annie.....then i looked to my side and saw Craig and Charrah...AND THEN IT HIT ME AND I STARTED TO CRACK UP AND SHRIEK!!!!!!!! IT WAS SOOOO HILARIOUS....i swear i never ever pick up on these things. Plus, brandon was being so shadey the whole day. he kept on receiving phone calls. i just thought he was a popular fellow that's all haha :D

I LOVE MY FRIENDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I hugged everyone and was soooo ecstatic because i haven't even seen my friends since i left for the philippines (that's a whole month's worth!!!!) Darrel came bursting in and then tu vu came later on also! We laughed and ate dinner and these two twin girls sang to me Happy Birthday in italian. their voices were lovely. then joyce asked me to open her present and it was a bottle of CHAMPAGNE!!!! or so it seemed!!!! ...it was actually champagne BUBBLES AHAHAHHA so cute!!! i am sooo gonna use that in college. maybe i'll make new friends who will blow bubbles with me!

Boy, i'm tellin' ya, WHAT A PLEASANT SURPRISE!!!! i am seriously so grateful for all of my friends. Thank God for brandon too, for planning this and going through all that stress. I swear i must have one of the best boyfriends in the world. my heart is so happy. it was sooo nice seeing everyone. looking around at certain points made me almost want to cry because in less than 2 weeks i'm goin' to be leaving for college and not be seeing everyone as much. i am going to miss all of my friends. i don't know what i'm going to do, but these memories that i hold are definitely going to help with my homesickness.

I'M LEAVING IN 2 WEEKS GAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

2006-09-08T17:52:40Z

WOW i just got my residence hall assignment and I know which dorm room i'm living in and everything.....I'M SO SCARED!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT THE HECK I LIVE ON THE 10TH FLOOR THAT'S INSANE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH omg....all the new people i'm going to meet, the new living conditions, and the place where i'm living is far from the main campus, so i have to ride the bus haha but that's ok.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH the days keep passing by and they get fewer and fewer....the time is near where i'll leave my family and friends behind at home and start a new home somewhere else. 2 HOURS ON THE FREEWAY ON A GOOD DAY OMG WHAT WAS I THINKING I WONDER SOMETIMES But then i'm like oh no this will be a good experience...i'm just so scared right now i might just pee in my pants